Fear Factor
by Cataquack King
Summary: Ok! Anyone besides me ever watch fear factor. Well if you do or don't but you love humor, you'll love this!
1. Default Chapter

FEAR FACTOR  
  
Dragon Master: OK! Sorry folks, I kinda.. um.killed the host.sooooo..I'll be the new host! ^_^! So anyways, welcome to the Fear Factor! Now to introduce our contestants. First all the way from Raccoon city, the lovely Rebecca Chambers! 3333!  
  
Rebecca: Hi guys! Wow I sur..  
  
Dragon Master: Now for our next contestan..  
  
Rebecca: That was mean! :( ! You just interrupted m.  
  
DM: Fox McCloud!  
  
Fox: Thanks man! And let me tell you! I am gonna rule this game!  
  
DM: Now for the next guy! All the way from the Kongo Jungle! DK Jr.!  
  
DK Jr.: He walks out and says. Hey! It's nice to be here!  
  
DM: The next contestant is. Jack of Halloween!  
  
Jack: Hey!  
  
DM: next up. Likatung!  
  
Likatung: LIKAAAAAY!  
  
DM: Moving on. Samus Aran!  
  
Samus: .  
  
DM: Hey babe! And last but not least, Final Fantasy's own. Tifa! 3!  
  
DM: now the rules are, for those of you how've never seen the show, you have 5 challenges; you have to complete the challenge with requirements I give you for it. If you don't meet your goal then you go home. Everyone got that?  
  
Rebecca: Yep ^_^!  
  
Fox: Come on!  
  
DK Jr.: I POOPED MY PANTS!  
  
Likatung: LIKAAAY!!!! TUNGTUNGTUNG!  
  
Jack: Gimme candy!  
  
Samus: .  
  
Tifa: Why didn't I get to say something when I came in?  
  
DM: Allrighty then. let's go! They all hope on the warp tube and go down it. When they arrive, they are at a helipad.  
  
CHALLENGE 1  
  
DM: If you can't read the above print, then you don't know that it is challenge 1, well . it is ^_^! So to get this thing started, we're gonna tell you what it is  
  
Samus: What do you mean we?  
  
DM: I mean me and this man. He points to a guy on the other side of the helipad. It's Tommy Verceti! Now then, as I was sayin before the bitch over there interrupted . We're gonna tell you how this works. You see, there are 2 vines hanging from this helicopter, you guys.  
  
Tifa: ehhhemmm.  
  
DM: And girls will have to climb up these vines while the chopper is flying over Vice City!  
  
Tommy: But there's more, I'll be ridin' a chopper below yas, aimin' my snipa' rifle at yas. So ya'll have to watch out to watch out for my bullets!  
  
Tifa: may I ask where in Vice City are we?  
  
Tommy: Ontop my mansion!  
  
DM: Ok! We have to get started before we run out of time. Rebecca, you go first!  
  
Rebecca walks over to the Helicopter and grabs the vines firmly.  
  
DM: Tommy! Vickers! Take off! The 2 choppers start up and begin to fly outward.  
  
Rebecca begins to climb. As she's climbing, Vickers looks down and sees down her shirt.  
  
He smiles and pops a hard one. Then he looks ahead again. Tommy fires a shot that almost nails Rebecca but instead hits Vickers' steering wheel.  
  
Brad: Ahhhhh! Ohh my god! He jumps out of the side of the chopper and plunges into the airport. Rebecca finally makes it up but realizes that Brad's not there. She sloppily pilots the plane back and gets out.  
  
DM: Good job, but we need a new pilot. All of a sudden Chris Redfield appears on the scene. He is the new replacement. Good now! McCloud! You're next! Fox grabs the vines. Just as the chopper is taking off, Fox climbs up and hops in. They land instantly.  
  
DM: well .. that's good, you're up DK Jr. DK Jr. gets on the vines. Then chopper takes off. DK Jr. starts climbing up one vine.  
  
DK Jr.: wait .. He goes to a flash back of the original Donkey Kong Jr. showing him climbing up both vines at once. So he starts to do that. Almost instantly Tommy shoots off the right rope. DK Jr. screams at the top of his lungs. Then looks down at Tommy and says, POOP ON YOU! He reaches in his little outfit and pulls out some crap. He drops it on Tommy's face.  
  
Tommy: No! o. O! Tommy is hit with it and rolls backward out of the chopper. He plunges down into the ocean. Then DK Jr. climbs the rest of the way up. Chris pilots them back to the mansion.  
  
DM: Great! Now we need a new sniper. He turns around and sees the Ashford twins rolling around and making out. He grabs Alfred and Alfred becomes the new replacement. Jack is next. Jack grabs a vine. The chopper takes off. Jack rocks his vine back and forth. Then somersaults in the air up onto the vine and inside the chopper. Then Jack pulls out a Red Boom Box and puts on Michael Jackson's "Thriller" and starts doing the robot in extreme slow motion. When the chopper arrives back, DM has to pick Jack up and set him on the helipad. Next up . Likitung! They begin to fly. Almost in an instant, Alfred begins firing rapidly in all different directions  
  
Alfred: Muahmuahmuahmuah. Then Likitung sticks the vine in his mouth and slurps it up like spaghetti, pulling him into the chopper. They fly back to the mansion.  
  
DM: GREAT! Now for sake of time, I will put Samus and Tifa each on different vines on the same chopper. They take off. They begin to climb then Samus takes her cannon arm and torches Tifa's hair.  
  
Tifa: o. O! She falls to her death. Then Samus climbs up the vine. They fly back.  
  
DM: Well.. that's the end of Challenge 1. And Tifa is eliminated! We all hop on a warp tube and go down. We arrive on the edge of the waterfall in the Zora's palace.  
  
Challenge 2  
  
DM: Now this challenge is fairly simple! All you do is hold onto this powder keg (that is lit) and jump over the side of the fall. If you're lucky, the water at the bottom will douse the fuse. If you survive, you pass the challenge. Samus will go first. Samus grabs her keg and jumps. She accidentally launches a missile out of her out of cannon at the keg. It explodes with awesome impact. Some zoras that are watching scream and/or advert their eyes. Samus' powersuitless body falls into the water. Amazingly she survives and goes back to the top of the fall.  
  
Samus: can I get some clothes on?  
  
DM: nope! :)  
  
Samus: :)  
  
DM: now it's Likatung's turn. He looks at Likatung who now has a keg shaped body. He's rolling around on his back, kicking his legs and failing his arms. Well, Likatung, roll of the cliff and survive and you pass. He walks over to Likatung and rolls him over the waterfall. When he hits the water, he starts floating about the water, failing and kicking again. Some zoras fish him out. Jack and DK Jr. go next and both survive. Rebecca! Fox! You're next.  
  
Rebecca: Do I have to? She looks at him in a worried face.  
  
DM: sorry.  
  
Rebecca: She starts making out with him. When she's done she looks at him and smiles. Now do I have to?  
  
DM: nope! :) ! He shoves Fox over the falls. Fox falls a little crooked and impales himself on a nearby stalactite. Well! The end of challenge 2, let's go. They all jump down the warp tube.  
  
CHALLENGE 3  
  
DM: Well, this next challenge is the best one! All of you must destroy these stacks of Phil Collins and Genesis albums. Becky's first!  
  
Rebecca: k. She knocks them over then sets them ablaze!  
  
Dragon Master: YAAAAAY! :)! Claps.  
  
DK Jr.: Me next! He sticks them in his pants. FART!  
  
DM: YAAAAAY! :)! Claps.  
  
Jack: I'm next! He points at them and they explode with nuke force!  
  
DM: after recovering on feet. YAAAAAY! :)! Claps.  
  
Likitung: LIKKKKK! He eats them.  
  
DM: YAAAAAY! :)! Claps.  
  
Samus: Now me! She walks forward but gets scared to death by Phil Collin's album covers.  
  
DM: YAAAAAY! :)! Claps. Challenge 3 is over! Let's go! We all go into the warp tube.  
  
CHALLENGE 4  
  
DM: Ok! Next one! As you see, we're in the Animal Crossing dump! Well, now you all will draw a card from my gross food deck. Each card has something that is in this dump on it. Eat that item and pass. Likatung is first. He draws the wet, yellow bed sheets card.  
  
Likatung: LIKAALIKLIKALI! He gobbles them down. Rebecca holds her stomach. DM: YAAAAAY! :)! Claps. Jack goes next and draws the old candy card. He gobbles them easily. YAAAAAY! :)! Claps. DK Jr. goes up next. He draws the old bucket of crap card.  
  
DK Jr.: YAAAAAY! :)! Claps. NUMMMIES!!!! He eats the whole thing.  
  
DM: You now Rebecca! She draws the Retro TV card. She frowns. She is about to bite it when Dragon Master says: STOP! Listen, give up the game. I'll give you a "special" prize, then we can go back to my place and I can "heal" your stomachache.  
  
Rebecca: Ok. I will, but meet me at your place as soon as you get done.  
  
DM: YAAAAAY! :)! Claps. Thus ends Challenge 4!  
  
CHALLENGE 5  
  
You know what? I think this will be hard to decide. How about you pick the ending? If you want Jack to win, read the paragraph below labeled 1, DK Jr. wins is 2, and Likatung wins is 3. Hope you enjoy.  
  
We arrive at a battle ground.  
  
DM: The final challenge will be an all out war between the three of you. Jack, you control the Tediz army. DK Jr., you control the squirrel army. And finally, Likatung controls the Wasp army. Ready. begin! The three armies rush at each other.  
  
...Sorry, this part must be edited because I'm a afraid if I type the battle up then my crappy celeron with less then 32MB of memory remaining would explode, instead, I'll just type the battles ending. Sorry for the disappointment............  
  
The three leaders stand in front of the massive heap of blood and bodies of their soldiers. They're battered and bruised. Scraped and Seared. Then as a last ditch effort; Jack blasts both the others with his remaining magic. They explode into a million pieces.  
  
DM: o. O! Jack is the winner! He is clearly the toughest and now gets his prize. He hands him a bag of 150,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 bells. Then the two walk away. The credits role  
  
2. We arrive at the Mushroom Kingdom's palace in the courtyard in front of a huge audience.  
  
DM: This is the final challenge. The fart contest, loudest one wins. Jack's first.  
  
Jack: toot  
  
Likatung: fart  
  
DK Jr.: He squishes up his face. Then . FAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRTTTTTT! His fart destroys the audience and the other two contestants.  
  
DM: o. O! That was theeee best! Here's the prize! He hands him a bag of 150,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 bananas! The two walk off together, then the credits role.  
  
3. We arrive in an abandoned bank.  
  
DM: The final challenge, destroy each other! They all stand there in battle poses. Then Likatung puts on some shades and a black trench coat. Then he pulls out two Uzi. In slow, Matrix like camera action, Likatung jumps into the air and starts firing at them. He kills DK Jr. The Jack whips out a sub- machinegun. He starts firing Matrix like camera action. Lickitung back bends to dodge them. The Likatung runs up the wall.  
  
DM: \:(  
  
Likatung: LIKKKKKAAAYYYYYY!!!!! He does a Matrix mantis style mid-air kick on jack. When jack hits the wall, he disappears into a puff of smoke.  
  
DM: o. O! Likatung is the winner. Clearly he is the best Matrix artist ever. Here's the prize! He hands him the deed to a farm with 150,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Miltanks on it. The two walk away together. The credits role.  
  
4. We arrive at DM's house  
  
DM: Well, you guys did great! Until now. I want the prize; it's Claire Redfield, Jill Valentine, and Rebecca Chambers. So, you are the weakest link, GOODBYE! DM pulls out a shotgun and blow them away. Then Claire and Jill and Becky run in. The screen goes black, and the credits role.  
  
THE END  
  
Be looking forward to another FEAR FACTOR real soon. 


	2. Episode 2

FEAR FACTOR  
  
Dragon Master: hello. is this thing on? Oh! Hi! Wazzzup! And welcome to the second ever FEAR FACTOR! Well. first order of business. last episode was too long. so we had to shorten it to 4 challenges. So let's meet our guest, shall we? Introducing first, from the digital world. T.K.  
  
T.K: H.  
  
DM: Next on the line is Damien, of Snowboard Kids 2!  
  
Damien: Yo!  
  
DM: Alrighty then! Next up! From a galaxy far, far away. Ridley!  
  
Ridley: SKREECH!  
  
DM: AYYYOK! Time for the big green fiend! Ganondorf! The crowd roars with cheers. Ganondorf doesn't come out. Well folks, I guess we don't have a contestant number 4! Just then a cannon pops up and shoots something into the wall. When the rubble and smoke falls from the impact, there is a black ball there.  
  
Rodent: popping his head out, Hi guys, I'm the last minute substitute!  
  
DM: Wazzzup Rodent! Maybe we'll get a pint later! OK! Staying on track! Here comes no. 5. Wendell the Walrus!  
  
Wendell: Soooo hungry. begins to drool then falls flat on his face.  
  
DM: OOTAY! The next person's a beauty. Princess Daisy! I walk up to the camera. Sorry honey, I don't right this crap!  
  
Daisy: Hiya!  
  
Dragon Master: Allright! I think the next guy is Jewish, Mr. Game and Watch!  
  
Game and Watch: click.click.bzzzurt.click  
  
DM: Man. he could use a touch up! Now for the last person, Bomberman! Now it's time for th.  
  
Wendell: . wha. FOOD! He sees Game and Watch as a piece of flat, over cooked bread. He runs over to Game and Watch. GW pulls out a torch and swings it at Wendell, throwing him onto TK.  
  
Kari: standing up in the audience, HELP HIM! HELP TK, HE'LL DIE! Paramedics rush towards him, and then a shotgun loading sound is heard. They turn to see Dragon Master with a double-barreled, laser scoped shotgun. I point it at them.  
  
DM: nooooosir! I wouldn't do that if I were you! Then he blows the paramedics to bits. A stray bb goes off and blasts Daisy in the head. She dies, and then TK dies of suffocation. Ohhh yeah, did I mention that we're gonna be having all the events here because of a bomb threat. Bomberman starts to sweat. We don't know who made the threat, but I loathe them.  
  
Bomberman: IT WAS ME!!!!! I DID IT! AND I'D DO IT AGAIN TOO! HAHAHAH. he drops to the ground. Behind him stands Poo from Earthbound in fighter stance.  
  
DM: Thanks Poo! Now for.  
  
CHALLENGE 1  
  
DM: OK! Our fist challenge is to throw this bomb into that Buzzzaps nest. You go first, Damien! Damien steps up and picks up the bomb. He tosses it into the nest. 10,000 angry Buzzzaps emerge and immediately begin chasing Damien. They finally catch up to him and sting him in the head. He collapses. Man! We're losin' them like flys! Allright! Next is Ridley! He flaps forward. Then he turns to the crowd and sees a Samus fan. He leaps into the audience and mauls the fan. DM tells him to come back but he growls at him. DM pulls out his shotgun. Ridley pulls out. the NOISY CRICKET! Point taken!  
  
Ridley: screech. he points the weapon at the nest and fires. It incinerates all of the Buzzzaps.  
  
DM: Well. no more Buzzzaps, so time for, challenge number 2!  
  
CHALLENGE 2  
  
DM: OK! In this one. You must survive a beating from, Mike Tyson!  
  
Tyson: I would like to thay that I am not a man of violenth, but I'm here to unleash some whoopath!  
  
DM: Game and Watch. you're up first.  
  
GW: click? Tyson punches him in the nose. It crinkles like paper. Then GW punches Tyson in the gut. GW's arm does the same. Tyson picks him up and crinkles him into a ball.  
  
Tyson: Nummy! He eats Game and Watch.  
  
DM: Wendell! You're turn to die at the hands of Iron Mike!  
  
Tyson: that wath a vewy wathist wamarck!  
  
Wendell: How about some wall paper instead?  
  
Tyson: Chicken! Mmmmmmm. he bites off Wendell's non-existent ear and swallows it. Then Tyson screams at the top of his lungs.  
  
DM: Wendell's dead. Next victim! Rodent!  
  
Rodent: Ooo.Kkkk.  
  
Tyson: ROAR! He picks up Rodent, who is in his indestructible suit ball, and chomps on him for hours. Then he gives up.  
  
DM: OK! Ridley's turn! And no noisy cricket! Ridley frowns and puts it away. Then Ridley ties Tyson up and leaves him.  
  
DM: OK! Since we have two left. we'll have to skip to challenge 4! Then the door explodes.  
  
Ganondorf: NOOO! I'M NUMBER 3!!!!!  
  
DM: Well to tell you the truth. I don't have a challenge 3. so lets just have a cigar party!  
  
Ganondorf: OK! SOUNDS GOOD! Then after a cigar party.  
  
CHALLENGE 4  
  
DM: Our final challenge. and. wait a second? He puts a finger in his ear. OK! Uh-huh! Got it! Takes finger out. OK guys, apparently we only have a couple minutes left! So I've changed the final challenge to drawing straws. The shortest straw loses! Ready.PICK! Each of the 3 draws a straw. then they all are about to show their straws when. the screen goes black and the credits role.  
  
THE END 


End file.
